THE NIGHT BEFORE STARWARS
[ based on A Visit from St. Nicholas; original authorship disputed.
First published anonymously in the Troy, New York Sentinel on December 23, 1823 ]


                         'Twas the night before Star Wars
                         and all through the White House
                         Not a creature was stirrin'
                         'cept a beady-eyed Bush mouse
                         Large corporate stockings were hung
                         in congressional halls with care
                         In hopes that fat military contracts
                         soon would be theirs
                         Ronnie at the Oval Office desk
                         with ray-gun in hand
                         Poised to fill corporate coffers
                         with one stroke of his pen
                         And lookin' up from the big desk
                         he smiled into the camera
                         "Weelll. . . Let me spin you a yarn
                         'bout when I was on the Ponderosa
                         Oh, no---never mind---
                         I've got more pressin' things to do
                         This here's my holiday address
                         to the nation and for you. . .

                         We must put giant ray-guns
                         in the heavens up above
                         Cover the whole damn sky
                         with a missile protective glove
                         Let the Christian bells ring
                         from every church steeple
                         We're doin' our level best
                         for the salvation of we the people
                         Now, way back in history
                         we first made the A-bomb
                         And them damn Ruskies followed suit
                         with much ado and aplomb
                         So we made an even bigger one
                         out of hydrogen, or was it sand?
                         And then invented the MX-missile
                         to protect our great land
                         And them Commies did likewise
                         they built the same damn thing
                         For some reason they're afraid of us
                         'bout as much as we're afraid of them
                         Now, just 'cause them damn Ruskies
                         have nearly always followed suit
                         Is no reason not to give the corporate folk
                         all the taxpayers' hard-earned loot
                         To build a giant ray-gun shield
                         in the 'viornment of space
                         'Cause no doubt this is the best way
                         to protect the human race
                         If them Commies copy us again, weelll. . .
                         on earth their may be great fires
                         But it won't matter to me and Junior
                         'cause we will have long since retired
                         Princess Nancy with her pastry chef
                         and I in my stretch limo
                         Wish all you faithful stockholders well
                         here's the check for our ammo
                         Now don't listen to them 'vironmentalists
                         they're just talkin' crap
                         And them psuedo-scientifics
                         we're gonna blow them off the map
                         And don't listen to them peace
                         and 'uman rights agitators
                         They're all smokin' in the Commies' camp
                         and followin' the evil Ralph Nader
                         To all of you who have no health care
                         and the homeless vet in the gutter
                         Weelll. . . Cheer up! Don't complain
                         Star Wars is what matters
                         I'm a seasoned Hollywood veteran
                         and I know exactly what to do
                         Kill all them leftist Commie bastards
                         and may the Ray-gun force be with you

                         As history's page turns to a new century
                         Bush Junior blows his ballistic whistle
                         Like a nation whose lost all of her sanity
                         lead by a truly misguided missile
                         "Now, let's scrap all them ABM treaties
                         that took us thirty years to attain
                         Welcome to the New World Disorder
                         founded on greed's war-machine gain
                         On Ashcroft out-in-right-Rumsfield
                         on Agnew and Nixon
                         On 'Uncle Tom' Powell
                         and Bill Clinton's young vixen"
                         And behind our backs they exclaim
                         while bowing to the totally-wrong Right
                         "Up ahead soon lies Armageddon
                         there's bound to be one hell of a fight" *


Science for Peace       American Red Cross


DEDICATED TO:  Clara Barton, founder of the American Red Cross, who delivered medical supplies and provided care for wounded soldiers during The Civil War; unfortunately, it is going to take far more than the Red Cross to clean up this mess.


*FootNote:  Inspired by a Johnny Carson skit on The Tonight Show.  In the author's opinion, the current proposal of putting lasers weapons in space may perhaps be the very worst idea that the human race has ever conceived.



           


Books       Songs       Essays       Poems

Click Here to eMail the Author

Copyright © August 20th, 2003 by Richard Aberdeen.

No part of this material may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including printing, photocopying, recording or by any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher and signed by the author.  Inquiries: Freedom Tracks Records or requested via eMail.  Essays entitled Revolution and Revolution - Side B are open copyright and may be reproduced as often as one likes.