Chapter Fifty-Four

THE NIGHT BEFORE STARWARS
[ based on A Visit from St. Nicholas; original authorship disputed.
First published anonymously in the Troy, New York Sentinel on December 23, 1823 ]


                            'Twas the night before Star Wars
                                    and all through the White House
                            Not a creature was stirrin'
                                    'cept a beady-eyed Bush mouse
                            Large corporate stockings were hung
                                    in congressional halls with care
                            In hopes that fat military contracts
                                    soon would be theirs
                            Ronnie at the Oval Office desk
                                    with ray-gun in hand
                            Poised to fill corporate coffers
                                    with one stroke of his pen
                            And lookin' up from the big desk
                                    he smiled into the camera
                            "Weelll. . . Let me spin you a yarn
                                    'bout when I was on the Ponderosa
                            Oh, no---never mind---
                                    I've got more pressin' things to do
                            This here's my holiday address
                                    to the nation and for you. . .

                            We must put giant ray-guns
                                    in the heavens up above
                            Cover the whole damn sky
                                    with a missile protective glove
                            Let the Christian bells ring
                                    from every church steeple
                            We're doin' our level best
                                    for the salvation of we the people
                            Now, way back in history
                                    we first made the A-bomb
                            And them damn Ruskies followed suit
                                    with much ado and aplomb
                            So we made an even bigger one
                                    out of hydrogen, or was it sand?
                            And then invented the MX-missile
                                    to protect our great land
                            And them Commies did likewise
                                    they built the same damn thing
                            For some reason they're afraid of us
                                    'bout as much as we're afraid of them
                            Now, just 'cause them damn Ruskies
                                    have nearly always followed suit
                            Is no reason not to give the corporate folk
                                    all the taxpayers' hard-earned loot
                            To build a giant ray-gun shield
                                    in the 'viornment of space
                            'Cause no doubt this is the best way
                                    to protect the human race
                            If them Commies copy us again, weelll. . .
                                    on earth their may be great fires
                            But it won't matter to me and Junior
                                    'cause we will have long since retired
                            Princess Nancy with her pastry chef
                                    and I in my stretch limo
                            Wish all you faithful stockholders well
                                    here's the check for our ammo
                            Now don't listen to them 'vironmentalists
                                    they're just talkin' crap
                            And them psuedo-scientifics
                                    we're gonna blow them off the map
                            And don't listen to them peace
                                    and 'uman rights agitators
                            They're all smokin' in the Commies' camp
                                    and followin' the evil Ralph Nader
                            To all of you who have no health care
                                    and the homeless vet in the gutter
                            Weelll. . . Cheer up! Don't complain
                                    Star Wars is what matters
                            I'm a seasoned Hollywood veteran
                                    and I know exactly what to do
                            Kill all them leftist Commie bastards
                                    and may the Ray-gun force be with you

                            As history's page turns to a new century
                                    Bush Junior blows his ballistic whistle
                            Like a nation whose lost all of her sanity
                                    lead by a truly misguided missile
                            "Now, let's scrap all them ABM treaties
                                    that took us thirty years to attain
                            Welcome to the New World Disorder
                                    founded on greed's war-machine gain
                            On Ashcroft out-in-right-Rumsfield
                                    on Agnew and Nixon
                            On 'Uncle Tom' Powell
                                    and Bill Clinton's young vixen"
                            And behind our backs they exclaim
                                    while bowing to the totally-wrong Right
                            "Up ahead soon lies Armageddon
                                    there's bound to be one hell of a fight" *


Science for Peace       American Red Cross


DEDICATED TO:  Clara Barton, founder of the American Red Cross, who delivered medical supplies and provided care for wounded soldiers during The Civil War; unfortunately, it is going to take far more than the Red Cross to clean up this mess.


*FootNote:  Inspired by a Johnny Carson skit on The Tonight Show.  In the author's opinion, the current proposal of putting lasers weapons in space may perhaps be the very worst idea that the human race has ever conceived.



           


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Copyright © August 20th, 2003 by Richard Aberdeen.

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